I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
