Pappa wants mamma naked
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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