My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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