Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
