some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
