she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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