it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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