Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
