Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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