I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
