So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I would ride that face into the sunset
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
