yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
