friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
