you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
