I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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