So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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