did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize