He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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