I just saw a hot homeless man
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
BRING THE BAGELS
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
