I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I will be naked everywhere
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
