My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You made out with two different species that night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
