i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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