Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Ladies don't puke and tell
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
