Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just blew my weed a kiss
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
