I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
