i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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