Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
