how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
