She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
A bitchslap is in order.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
