Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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