go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize