So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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