sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
birth control should be required to get into college
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
