I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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