I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
