my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
