My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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