Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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