You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
