Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
