____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
