I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
