im having a threesome with these popsicles
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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