Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize