Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
