we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
