You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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