he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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