I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
