Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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