Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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