i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
