So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
