Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
