I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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