How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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