So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
