My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
