How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
