Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
