So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
