Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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