He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
