Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sorry my hands just texted you
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
