You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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