It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
