Christians are straight up FREAKS
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
