i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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