apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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