He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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