Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize